Last week I had to decide whether to attend a particular annual celebration. My mother opposed the event and especially the traditions associated with it, and I partially agreed with her reasoning. Several months beforehand, I had decided that I wouldn't participate. But as the event came closer, I began to feel pressure from a close friend to come in order to show that I supported my leaders and that I was happy for my peers' accomplishments.
I stood on a diverging road, and I faced a choice: I could either not go, and offend many of my friends and peers, or I could go, and offend my own convictions and those of my mother.
Suddenly I felt fear.
Fear led to worry.My mind began to spend every unoccupied thought on my dilemma.I weighed the consequences over and over, exaggerating them, examining them, comparing them.Just as I would begin to lean one way, additional factors would pile onto the opposite end of the teeter totter and I would lean the other way.
Worry led to stress.I replayed conversations back on themselves again and again.I wasted mental energy trying to reorganize the issue along more decisive lines so my answer would be clearer.In the meantime, I stopped focusing on my classes and responsibilities.Friends would notice something was wrong but I would be too stressed to talk openly to them.
Tied in knots of indecision, I was sucked into a spiral of negative emotions that affected every aspect of my life.Mentally, I couldn’t focus on my classes and wasted a key day of AP test review.Spiritually, I didn’t have the energy for a seminary activity and had to sit out.Emotionally, I reached the point where I couldn’t be around people and I spent a lunch hour biking up and down hills and swinging at a playground, trying to outrun my stress.Physically, I couldn’t sleep, muscles in my neck and torso cramped up, and I even began to limp.
For thirty hours, I let fear incapacitate me.
In hindsight I see that the test was not the decision.I ended up going to part of the event, and my mom understood why and was fine with things.I appeased my own convictions by skipping the part of the event that bothered me the most and by staying afterward to help clean up.
If I had not come, I would have explained to my leaders why, and they would have understood. My peers may not have even missed me in the crowded setting.
The negative consequences I had so greatly feared were, as things turned out, insignificant.I could have decided either way and everything would have been fine.The true test was how I made the decision.And I failed that test.I choose to focus on negative outcomes and give in to fear, rather than having the faith and optimism that I would make one of two good choices and that everything would work out.
Fear is completely unnecessary.The only reason fear may have value is to discourage us from making wrong decisions.But wisdom and caution serve this purpose equally well, if not better, and bypass all the negative side effects of fear.
Fear is the king of negative emotions.Stress is the fear of not performing well.Worry is the fear of things outside personal control. Dread is fear of the unknown.Outrage is the fear of what someone’s actions might have caused.Suspicion is the fear of what someone might do.Fear is the root cause of more negative emotions than anything except possibly pride—but even pride is partially fear: fear that someone else might be better, fear that life is meaningless unless one cements his own value and worth.
If I can guarantee you one thing as you journey through mortality, it is that every situation you ever find yourself in will be better without fear.So how do we conquer fear?
Christ says, “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.”
And again, “Perfect love casts out all fear.”
These verses tell us that the opposites of fear are faith and love.
Faith is the assurance that certain principles will stay true, no matter what.It also brings the assurance that if we make reasonably correct choices, everything will work out eventually.If I approached my decision with faith, I would have rested assured that no matter how I decided, if I decided for the right reasons and did my best to alleviate possible negative consequences, than everything would work out.And that’s exactly what happened.
Love is a deep and abiding concern and respect for every member of the human race, especially family, friends, and associates.If I had approached my decision with love, I would have forgotten any negative effects I might have suffered personally, and focused instead on making the decision that would be best for the most people involved and then taking steps to make sure others didn’t suffer.And that’s exactly what I ended up doing.
So the next time you experience stress, or worry, or suspicion, or any other form of fear, pause.Set aside, temporarily, whatever issue is causing your fear.Choose to cast all fear out of you and replace it with faith and love.Then approach the issue with all the energy, insight, and strength that fear would rob from you if it could.
The next time you fear, remember this: Christ has conquered all permanent negative consequences.You have no need to fear.
Franklin Roosevelt said “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”Christ said it better: “Fear not.”
For Further Reading: “Therefore They Hushed Their Fears” by Elder David A. Bednar, April 2015.https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/therefore-they-hushed-their-fears?lang=eng
I love your writing. You do such a wonderful job! I really liked your descriptions and your word choices.
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jonasahyou
5/14/2015 01:00:16 am
I liked your reasoning and your in depth of psychology and religion.
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Duglas D.write
5/14/2015 01:03:27 am
I've had some sitiations like that and kind of exagerate the possible outcomes as well.
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skeletongirl
5/14/2015 01:03:38 am
i loved that you shared a story. and that you shared a scripture! keep going! life is too short to stress!
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PunPun
5/14/2015 01:05:48 am
I enjoyed your writing very much, even though Im not necessarily a religious person.
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Methuselah's Daughter
5/17/2015 11:57:50 pm
Thank you for the personal anecdote. The story really applied to the topic personally. It would make a very good talk or fireside. I like how you described fear in a daily setting, and how it lead to other stress and worry. Fear sometimes seems huge, and distant, but realizing how close, common, and simple it is, makes it easier to take a deep breath and leave it behind.
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Belleprodigy
5/17/2015 11:59:43 pm
I like the description in how fear affects the body. I also liked the way you brought other aspects into it like religion and philosophy. The way you write has alot of depth and I appreciate that.
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Roadkill
5/17/2015 11:59:56 pm
There is a great descriptive story that really shows how fear can consume you if you let it
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Patchwork
5/18/2015 12:04:30 am
Lovely story I can relate so much with stressing over things way more than I want to